In defense of Orlando Bloom

Posted September 17, 2006

The Haven star can act but it’s not easy to tell. Sarah D. Bunting is co-creator of TelevisionWithoutPity.com Orlando Bloom is not a bad actor. He isn’t Olivier, but he isn’t Shatner, either. Why, then, does everyone assume he’s a bad actor? For starters, he’s pretty. Not ‘handsome,’ mind you: pretty. The bulk of Bloom’s fame derives from his role as Legolas in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and while he acquitted himself well with a bow and arrow in those films, he also had very long flaxen hair, the sort that usually belongs to mermaids and Disney heroines. […]

Mr. Pitt & His Magical Mattress

Posted September 1, 2006

On a hot summer afternoon, the most glamorous birth father in America sits in a diner booth and tries to make sense of the world. A thunderous revving noise ruptures the quiet of the Spitfire Grill on a lazy afternoon in Santa Monica, California, accompanied by a series of subsonic reverberations that tinkle the ice cubes of my overfull water glass, breaking the surface tension, sending droplets down the side. Abruptly, all is still. The waitress resumes filling the saltshakers. Steely Dan harmonizes on the sound system overhead. The door opens, and he walks in–his helmet beneath his arm–like Achilles […]

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

Posted July 14, 2006

The first time I saw Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest I didn’t know what to expect, so I was paying all sorts of attention trying to figure out what I thought and why. I saw plenty of flaws and expressed the following criticisms…

Johnny Depp Plays it His Way

Posted June 24, 2006

The defiant one: Johnny Depp has had studio executives squirming over his interpretations of how characters should be played. But “you’ve got to do what you believe in,” the actor says. It is dangerous for a rebel to be loved too much. Defiance is the troublemaker’s oxygen, and the surprise of a great big bear hug from the mainstream powers-that-be can be enough to choke it right out. There’s a temptation to wriggle free. Johnny Depp, one of his generation’s most iconoclastic actors, is in that situation now with Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest, the sequel to the […]

Troy Story

Posted June 17, 2006

A horse may just be a horse, but in Troy, it’s a lot more spectacular when paired with the likes of Orando Bloom, Brad Pitt, and Eric Bana. This epically expensive tale of passion, pride – and, of course, that face – might be one of the greatest stories ever sold. An exclusive from the Cabo San Lucas set of Troy. It isn’t pretty, what they’re doing to Orlando Bloom. He’s flung himself onto the hard-packed Mexican dirt several times now, enacting the turning point of a complex scene in which his character, Paris, has just taken a (terrible) battering […]

The Epic Life of Orlando Bloom

Posted November 24, 2005

Don’t be fooled by his bohemian dress and freethinking ways (or by the fact that he’s very, very good in a very unperiod new movie): Orlando Bloom is the Errol Flynn of our time Orlando Bloom sits (eating unripe blueberries), having his morning tea on what could be the patio of a modest little house anywhere in the world. But little things everywhere hint that this is a partly fictional realm. Bloom is swathed in one of the long scarves he favors, covered in trinkets, and wearing combat-weight black boots, but because he has become so extraordinarily well-known for playing […]

Flying high with Joaquin Phoenix

Posted October 1, 2005

After passing through his own ring of fire at rehab, The Mourning Brother re-emerges to don the mantle of the Man in Black in Walk the Line. “There shall be no mourning.”—JEAN-FRANÇOIS LYOTARD I thought I was going to be early, but Mr. Phoenix is here first, on the phone with his mom. He motions me over. Now, I’m the very last person to not love the Chateau [Marmont], but it’s become the virtual-reality Matrix of the celeb interview; upon being gently challenged, Mr. Phoenix’s Contact said it was the only venue he felt comfortable in. And I totally got […]

Bachelor No. 1

Posted June 28, 2005

Everybody’s taken with this Troy boy. … Troy’s young lover has been ranked higher on Yahoo!’s Buzz Index than Brad Pitt, Viggo Mortensen and Johnny Depp, People’s reigning Sexiest Man Alive. That’s even more impressive when you consider that Bloom rose to the top while acting alongside those actors in Troy, The Lord of the Rings and Pirates of the Caribbean, respectively. Who else would even get noticed next to those guys? Mortensen, for one, is happy to hand off the heartthrob torch: Any phone numbers women pass him, “I give to Orlando,” he says. Bloom has explained that he […]

Sex on the Beach with Orlando Bloom

Posted May 1, 2005

The action star of Kingdom of Heaven is dyslexic, accident-prone, in pain from a dozen broken bones, intimidated by heartthrob fame and a Buddhist ready to get in your face if you don’t let him live life to the fullest Orlando Bloom drops anchor about 200 yards off the shore of Bequia, an island just south of where he and Johnny Depp are filming back-to-back sequels to Pirates of the Caribbean. Though his personal assistant and trainer decide to take a leisurely kayak ride to shore, Bloom chooses to swim. A race to the beach is suggested to make things […]

Canterbury Tales

Posted May 1, 2005

Growing up in the historic English cities of Canterbury and London may explain why dashing young actor Orlando Bloom is so well-suited for epic films like the upcoming Kingdom of Heaven. Once upon a time, in the verdant county of Kent, in the city of Canterbury, England, a boy was christened Orlando Jonathan Blanchard Bloom, after 17th-century composer Orlando Gibbons. Alas, this Orlando, being from Canterbury, where Geoffrey Chaucer based his famously unfinished tales, would soon take a more dramatic turn with his life. Having excelled in local plays at an early age, he moved to London at 16 to […]