The Three Musketeers

Rating: 2 of 5 ★★☆☆☆ 

I have to admit, it was obvious from the trailer that this wasn’t going to be a great movie. But I love the story and I like a lot of the actors and I was so curious I had to go see it anyway. and kind of, it was fun. or at least the idea of it was fun, because I love the story.

But I don’t like Milla Jovovich. I don’t want to sound catty, but she’s only worked in years because she’s married to the director. Other than that, it was well cast with good actors and handsome men who weren’t allowed to look sexy or work with a strong script. Ok, I didn’t like King Louis either; he was very much like a girl and I know the character is supposed to be childish and all the men look girlie but that was taking it too far. Richelieu didn’t seem like a bad enough bad guy, either. He was so soft spoken and so two steps removed from the coup that he didn’t come across as a villain so much as a nuisance. But the Musketeers were all good and swaggering and funny and warriors, everything about the characters that I enjoy, so that worked really well. It’s strange that this was half cast brilliantly and half cast horribly.

Characters:★★½☆☆ 
Performances:★★☆☆☆ 

And, no, the writer doesn’t get credit for the source material which is all good. Some of the shifts in the story were interesting and amusing. But at one point Cardinal Richelieu actually says “yup.” They work so hard to get the period right with the atrocious hair and costumes and then let him use slang like that? no.

Writing: ★★☆☆☆ 

The cgi was obvious which means it wasn’t well done in several places, though a part of that could have been since I saw it in 2D. Still, if the image can’t hold up in 2D it’s not that well done. And, as I’ve mentioned, I didn’t like the hair or costumes. The girls dresses were pretty, but the guys all looked ridiculous (except Luke Evans who managed to look good most of the time). I know that was the period but if it turns someone like Orlando Bloom into a buffoon, it’s not a good idea for your movie. The sword fights were all pretty decent and fast and fun to watch. But the most experienced swordsman in the whole movie didn’t even get to pick up a blade which was disappointing.

Production: ★★☆☆☆ 

And, admittedly, I can’t help but compare this to the 1993 Three Musketeers film, because that has always been a favorite. It was sillier but it was also a lot of fun. Luke Evans definitely makes a better Aramis than Charlie Sheen. And I did enjoy the swagger of Oliver Platt a little compared to Ray Stevenson’s more subdued turn as Porthos. But Kiefer Sutherland and Matthew Macfadyen are equally good, just different flavors of a great character. Milla Jovovich can’t hold a candle to Rebecca De Mornay who was strong ad conniving and very layerd where Milla was far too demure and one dimensional. And Tim Curry is such a nasty Cardinal Richelieu. I’ve never cared if he was over the top because he was just so deliciously bad and wonderfully fun to watch at it. The 2011 version was big and bold but wasn’t nearly as much fun.

Directing:★½☆☆☆ 
Overall:★★☆☆☆ 

Posted November 4, 2011 : Luke Evans, Orlando Bloom, Review / , ,